Continue the story..... - Page 23
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Old 02-26-2009   #221
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a dark/thick/ cloud started covering all the land , until it reached Leonard of Lallybroch near the out-house , putting him into a deep , Deep , DEEP sleep.
End of Chapter 2
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Old 02-26-2009   #222
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Intermission , and the make-up for the first 2 chapters thus far ....
(Geesh , was there a LOT of editing !@!!!!!

Once upon a time, the king had a problem with the royal dragon it was a sensitive problem which he didn't know how to handle but, he eventually came up with a novel solution. he called for his pipe and his fiddlers three but only two of them turned up and one of them was drunk
He turned to the King and said, "King! I have a sorution to your problem." Yes? said the King. Your dragon needs a mate, but not just any mate ....This mate must be a checkmate, she must check him for bad breath, athletes foot and a valid driver's license. In addition, it can't be a learners
license with "REEL" written on it as for the biggest fish story ever told was more truthful than A valid drivers licence for a dragon who experienced bouts of deja vu. Just then a tree fell in the forest, but made no sound. This was very disturbing. Because there were no trees in this forest. It seems the royal dragon had bad breath and burnt the forest to the ground. The king made a decision to speak with the dragon but then remembering that dragons can't talk decided instead to Send the dragon a royal proclamation that said "Now there are no virgins left in our fair land, you must breed them, using help us to protect all the young children so Nothing but this wooden spoon and and this tub of yellow play-doh... and this packet of jello mix and two litres of brown Maple syrup but do not forget the very secret ingredient of the left leg of a Turkish Bedouin Monk. The King thought hard and then thought, hmm. I like monks so I will have to use the left leg of a chipmunk.So the king dispatched his bravest knight but all the chipmunks were gone? Than decided not to injure any living creatures. He than thought long and hard and used a monk fish...But they he realised, they don't have legs. Sigh!!!! Now what?
He thought for a moment and then proclaimed "Bring me shrubbery" the jester fled yelling and yelling! The shrubbery was used and guess what happened to Dragon and the kings daughter when they played scrabble on Friday evening?On top of the TV. While the king lounged on his sun bed, surrounding by go-go dances and cocktails reading Barny's version of War and Peace. Mean while the Queen was with Colonel Mustard, in the Conservatory with a lead pipe playing Twister.
Back in the forest in the Disco where dragons dance the twist, drinking a Roy Rogers, while eating a Bloody Mary Then Mary screamed and grabbed a drunk and started to tell them about her love life, and she started naming names! Then 6 of the 7 dwarfs showed up all caring the seventh dwarf who was as drunk as a skunk and suffering from Viagra over dose. And rambling on about being a standup guy.
But nobody got the joke because they where to busy looking at some disfigured object poking out of the wicked witch of the west's nose wart, meanwhile back home the king and the dragon decided to go ogre hunting because you can't play poker with just two. Then the Queen said and nobody wanted to play . "I'm going to take my marbles and go home" said the queen. So the king grabbed his marbles too and left pouting.
Mean while in the nearby kingdom of East Bumblenuts they were experiencing a marble shortage the likes of which they had never seen. The search was on for magic cats' eyes.Throughout the kingdom, cats went into hiding.
Two weeks later the king employed a piper to play an enchanting ditty to lead all the lawyers (litigating on behalf of the Felinious Protective Society) out of the kingdom, never to return. However, this increasing the kitty by upping the ante backfired because the prince had stuck a potato in the exhaust pipe. "MINCE PIES ANYONE?" yelled the town fool, as the guys with the straight jackets dragged him away.
"I know where the marbles are, I know where the marbles are" he cried.
Alas, twas not true. For the marbles had long since departed and they'd been left with nothing but a dragon with a personal problem and a king who had no idea on how to deal with it!

I know said the king we'll put on our fish suits and hand around an extra ration of rum for the men, that'll tip the scales in our favor after our men become blotto. But wait, what is that clatter on yonder drawbridge?
The Three blind mice returned from there devastating crusade of the cats eye marble.
"Marbelous, marbelous, marbelous," they chorused to the King. "Perchance we hold the solution to the country's ills," as they each handed his Highness a little blue pill. "Is this for the dragon, or for me" said the king? Either way, he knew it would be a tough pill to swallow, because It was covered with spikes like a mace!What ever shall I do with this? Surely I can't be expected to ? ... can I ?...Mmmm maybe I could....
Dragon!... Ohh Dragom.. come tither...Now where is the New pill swallow it instantly,you will be invisible Wait, the dragon can not swallow it. An invisible dragon is not to be controlled!
So the king instantly, like.. in really quickly with no delay paused the film and got up to go to the bathroom
Enter stage right, Dr Strangelove and his invisible bikini which blinded the king maybe, he thought, that's what the dragon needed.. a bikini the sight of which boggles the mind Stage left. Enter the Jester. Bikini? Dragon? Invisible? "Smoking hot!" He continued cavorting around the king who was sightless and exited Stage Right, his voice trailing away, "Milord a serf arrives shortly the jester laughs softly, for he has stolen the kings underwear.
"Why do I feel a chill?" said the king Pop! Sorceress Jordan appears. "Try these. Master Clothmaker Hanes made them."
"So Soft," purred the king.
Slooooow Serf approaches, and blurts out, "and they are tagless too, Your Heininess!"
To which the king said "A horse! A horse! My Kingdom for a BLT with mustard! hold the relish and onion or else the deal is off. If I should relinquish the throne I will take Cook with me and you will be left here to eat only cold cruel gruel. However, I might be persuaded to consider to sing 'My Sweet Adeline' one more time" cried the king. There was a collective groan. All those in the room visibly shrank, remembering the last time the king attempted to croon through his raspy pipes.
"Your highness," Chief Advisor interrupted, "perhaps we might suggest a temporary vacation to a monestry. Realizing that there he would have to take a vow of silence. The king realizing that their suggestion was not all altruistic said"I shall rehearse a concert for you all. Now, where's my new tagless underwear?"
Sensing defeat, his minions left him alone and went to begin shopping for their own tagless undies.
As they walked away...the dragon said "I could really go for a flame-broiled burger right about now."
And then, much to their astonishment, there appeared ahead of them on the path a tagless undies salesman. "Art thou seeking undergarments of ye tagless variety m'lud?"
They each purchased 5 pairs. Suddenly a church bell in a nearby tower pealed 3 times, then 2 times, then 3 times. The travelers looked at each other with great consternation--for it is well known that this pattern of bell tolls signifies that The King is about to sing! So they ran as quickly as possible away from the King's realm and into the town of Sopchoppy, from which the singing could not be heard. They went into a public drinking establishment to quench their thirst. And that is where they met \Slowwwww Serf doing standup. Did you hear the one about Wizard Discombobble? No they all cried. So Slowwwww Serf started his best Johnny Carson act. Envelope please I'm beginning to feel like Richie in Flashdance (Ha, ha...) It went something like this: Mean Nobleman goes to Wiz and desires his appearance enhanced because he wishes to win the hand (and also the rest) of the fair Lady Michaela. Wiz is reluctant, but being pinned against his humble dwelling wall became the clincher. "Okay, okay, I'll do it. Sit here on this stool next to the fire." Meanie sat, mumbling insults in an Ozzie Osborne style. Brandishing his wand, Wiz chanted, "Circle of light, Circle of Darkness, change the appearance of said Nobleman to ... At that very second, Wiz hiccouged, and the result of the spell was Noble Meanie becoming the blue bird of happinessAnd so Noble Meanie, now known as Noble Sweetie, flew out the window to spread cheer and joy via loud tweeting. The next act on stage was a young lad who did a remarkable imitation of a hibernating bear, who promptly fell asleep in the beginning of the act and was dragged off the stage. The next act was the royal dragon "Dragnet" and five young girls doing 'swan lake'. However, someone forgot to feed "Dragnet" , being very hungry (and knowing that the five young girls were virgins) he flame-broiled them and ate them on the spot. The parents were pleased not to have been the second course. So they all adjourned to the golf course, where they wondered why some of the grass was cut so short and there were holes in the ground with flags above them (golf having not been officially declared a sport yet). After a brief stop at the clubhouse to learn the rules, they commenced playing. Since there were four of them playing, and of course they all hit their balls at once, they shouted "FOUR!" when they struck the balls, letting anyone on the course know that four balls had been hit, four balls were aloft, so beware. And what a game it was! At the end of it "Ballheaded" complained to the rules committee that he felt like a target, getting hit quite a bit. The Royal Golf Association decided to rule only one player hits at a time, thus slowing the game down considerably. Another modified rule was the installation of moats and drawbridges around each of the greens, thus causing sieges when foursomes would prolong their putting or slowly moving from one hazard from another. Portable flame throwers, containers of boiling oil, crossbows, and miniature catapults were banned.
Having thwacked to their hearts content, the foursome made way to the Mayhem party where they got drunk and one of them to prove that he was tough, chopped his head off with his sword. This brought oooohs and aaaahs from seamstresses. "What a horrible misunderstanding! We meet each May and charge a small fee to hem various garments. Methinks we need a better way of communication here."
"I'll say!" a tottering warrior screamed.
"Thass alright," his equally drunk companion said. "Let's proceed to Duke Ellington's castle and see if we can get some gunpowder to shoot that freakin' bluebird who won't shut up with the tweeting already!" So off they went, stumbling and tottering to Duke Ellington's castle on the moors. When they arrived, they found that the Dukester had made some modifications to his abode. For example, the music room was equipped with a variety of tubes, ranging in sizes and materials that were snaked throughout the castle so that the Duke's merry band's playing could be heard throughout the structure as if the individual was right there in that room. Another was the hall of murals. One in particular showed his namesake hotel in Nice, France (the Dukester was way ahead of his time), another showcased famous singers and musicians who had the good fortune to perform with them, and the most impressive was the dining hall which showcased a 50 foot tall, 300 feet wide wall of glass which opened onto a balcony as wide, presenting a breathtaking view of the Duke's grounds. In the open air one could hear (not the deceeased bluebird) The King singing! So they all bid their fond adieus since they were trying to escape that blasted singing. They hit the road and trekked their way north, in search of food and lodging (and maybe some golf along the way). They soon found their path blocked by a wide river with no clear crossing in sight east nor west. But what was this ahead? A fly fisherman casting his line downstream, his pack filled with trout! That looked a lot like dinner, and so they approached the fellow with friendly demeanor. He glanced up and they were astonished to find that he was, in fact the king's half brother who was gay and thought they would be fun to play with. The king's half brother was twice their size, being in fact a gay ogre. He told them, play with him or he would throw them in the river that meandered slowly through the lush green field of poison ivy and strawberries. The fields seemed to go on forever. At least, if thrown in, they would be bathed and then fed (if somewhat itchy). But they opted to play with him. He insisted they play Pendunky. The rules are simple: First you need to get a six legged purple dragon Attach your fly-fishing line to its tail, and hold on as tight as you can.Otherwise, you tend to loose your life.For,the purple dragon will reel you in and make terrible sport of you. You and your generations will be no more!
Next your partner rolls seven seven sided dice Seven is desirable in Pendunky, so if you roll a multiple of seven, you get a loud cheer and a chance to roll again. If you should throw three dice showing four, regardless of what the others show, you must perform an impromptu dance that includes a somersault.
Murtagh, the eldest of the travelers, rolled first. He rolled down the hill into the poison ivy, he wasn't real clear on the concept of dice. so then the four horseman of the apocalypse appeared. War pulled up just short of Murtagh and bellowed "Know you of why we are here?".
Death forced his cracked pale lips to an embittered smile. "Anyone got anything to eat?" burst out Famine. "I'm bloody Hank Marvin!"
Murtagh pondered for a moment and then "....stirred, not shaken?" And suddenly, from out of nowhere it seemed, the yuletide was upon them. The four horsemen left, having a prior engagement under a star to the east. Murtagh suggested they take advantage of the gay ogre's distraction brought on by nearby carolers struggling through the 15 days of Christmas (it was later shortened to avoid the sleepiness of listeners), and they moved on.Interestingly, as they traveled the nearby field, they came to some dried-out frankincense on the ground, as if it had been discarded by a previous traveler. They shrugged and continued on.
And then, much to their wondering eyes, they came upon a wonderful spectacle in the sky above a minidrag with her six hatchlings hovering over her like tiny stingships coming to dock with their mothership. Their scales sparkled in the starlight causing the travelers to lower their eyes where they beheld the king of the elves and Fergus, an elf-in-training. Fergus had not proven himself during the yuletide season, having lost most of the frankincense he was carrying for a elder. The travelers invited Fergus to join them, since everyone knows that dragons, mini or otherwise, will not bother or harm elves. The king told Fergus to accompany them to prove his worth, and they parted ways.
And so our travelers continued on the road. Fergus produced some cookies that his family had made at home in their tree. The travelers enjoyed them, declaring them to be uncommon. Fergus found that to be a surprisingly appropriate description and made a mental note to tell his family about it.
They arrived at a castle next to a lake. The sign on the door said "Before entering, wipe your minds clean. The sisters are praying to eradicate mental etch-a-sketches. (too high tech).
As our travelers enter (blank faces in place), they hear an anxious muttering emitting from a slightly open window along the narrow cobbled pathway. Gazing within, they see an old man in wrinkled unkempt robes muttering, "Gotta get this image just right, eh eh. More light, no no, too much, that's it, just right.
The travelers noticed a blurry shapeless image...
"Color now...More saturation. Yup, that's got it. Point of view. Don't like. Cut it back a bit, a little tilt, eh eh. Where are me specs? Blurry, that won't do." He shook his bedraggled silver hair to and fro as he grasped his glasses. "Oh my, sharpen. Eh, eh. A bit more. That's got it! Eh eh.
The band of travelers then saw a twisty maze of passages all different.
End of Chapter 1

Chapter 2 - The Orb of Mazes
Having difficulty deciding on which way to proceed they tossed the queen of orbs. If she landed on her head they go right, if she landed on her butt they go left, or if she landed on her feet they ran like hell because hey.. have you seen her feet? no, but if you hum to them, maybe they will come back. Hoom, Hoom, Ha, Ha, Ta, Da! Charge! Feet are back! Each toe has an open eye. Hypnotic to gaze at. Where was I? (One shoe appears from a new dimension, followed shortly by another, with an epithet of some kind drifiting on the wind. (Referring to the second, a Texas drawl utters, "That must have been it's sole brother heh, heh, heh).
Quick, put those shoes on her feet while she seems to be mulling what to do with us! Whatever you do don't stare at those eyes!
They scrambled and upended her on her butt, placed the shoes on her feet, and then she stood up and started to click the heels together and began to chant the magic words "there's no place like the 'KING & DRAGON' casino for the best odds in the kingdom. Play - King Roulette, Dragon Poker, 7 card Elf, Silver Knight Slots, Fire Drake Craps, Virgin Pinch Scream and Ogre Bingo. Be sure to visit the Black Bat Bar & Grill for today's special - maggots in blood sauce topped with eye of newt and dragonweed. And If you are really lucky you may end up on the menu. Nothing tastes better then fresh road traveler."
"Sounds like my kind of entertainment!" Murtagh boasted.
The travelers linked an arm with their partner next and skipped along, singing, "We're off to see the Casino, the wonderful world of odds!" They fade down the twisty brick paved road.
But nearby, a high pitched cackle pierces the silence. Woe to the travelers because stealthily following their trail is Leonard of Lallybroch, the scourge of the kingdom. With one eye (large and bloodshot), one arm (overly long and deformed), and one large hump on his back (slightly off-kilter), Leonard was a frightful sight. Or he would have been, had the travelers laid eyes on him. But Leonard was nothing if not stealthy (a necessary skill when one does not bathe and must remain downwind at all times).
Leonard watched the skipping travelers and heard their singing announcement of their intent. The Casino! Should they get lucky, Leonard would also get lucky; clearly these skipping twits could be easily robbed of their riches. What Leonard of Lallybroch did not know was It was all a dream, and one day he would step out of a shower into a pile of shaving cream, be nice and clean, shave everyday and you will always look keen. Poor Leonard, in reality he was only a goldfish, Leonard the Goldfish , and the nice thing about being a goldfish was that dragons don't eat goldfish. The King on the other hand was different - he enjoyed fish, particularly raw lemon tail silver fish. Leonard of Lallybroch immediately woke up and stepped out of the shower into a pair of ruby red shoes ."ToTo where are you Toto?"
Being a bit befuddled (unfamiliar as he was with personal hygiene), Leonard clicked his heels three times and mistakenly chanted "There's no place like Rome."
Of course, he found himself in the Coliseum, facing a lion. But lo and behold, above him hovered a friendly dragon that had followed him through time and space. The lion breathed fire down on the lion, vanquishing it. He then bid Leonard to jump upon his dragon-toothed back. Leonard saw no down side to this (aside from the care necessary to avoid impalement to his nether regions), so he did as he was told. They flew through stars and sapphires and clouds and crystals and finally arrived at the greenest, most pristine countryside Leonard had ever seen. The dragon let him alight from his back. Leonard saw the trees sway and the grass part, and before him he beheld the vision of a tall and slender man in a black suit walking toward him. The man wore a rectangular blue sign around his neck which read: "LEONARD OF LALLYBROCH." Clearly he was expected! They walked together into the deep, green woods. They hiked for quite some time. Leonard noticed a metal hatch cover level with the ground at one point, but they continued on past it. Vines hung from the trees. After an hour of walking, the mysterious man turned to Leonard, pointed to a distant encampment, and vanished into the wilderness. Leonard walked to the small village, where he encountered A talking Tree , that spoke this .."HE WHO GOES THERE , THIS VILLAGE IS FORBIDDEN TO THOSE WHO VENTURE HERE ,AND WHO............."and in mid-sentence the tree uprooted a rather large root, cocked it away from LEONARD OF LALLYBROCH, paused and then swung it towards him as if it was an axe being swung into a tree. LEONARD OF LALLYBROCH Ducked , & with great luck , the root missed his head by inches . He then yielded his broadsword , and swiped the root right off the tree .
"AARRRGGHHH!!!!" screamed the old tree in agony .
Leonard of Lallybroch then decided it might be a good time to swiftly escape any other confrontation that might have become , hence , he sprinted towards the village , which seemed deserted and covered in an eery film of mist . As he approached the wooden gates , which had no guards , and was open just enough to fit his body through , he then was felled by mist arrows, so neatly did they blend in the eerie mist, but much to Leonard of Lallybroch's surprise no arrow pierced him, they just paralyzed for a brief moment. After the paralyzing effects wore off Leonard of Lallybroch began to crawl towards The place of excretion (outhouse) in which he needed to get too swiftly ,due to him defacating himself upon seeing the arrows come towards him . He began crawling , and crawling , ever so closely , as the smell got worse and worse , until a mist fairy gave him a cheese cloth to squeeze the berries he found in the forest to make mistberry wine for the
sweet lady he met while the whole time wondering why in the world did she fall for him? Could it be because
of his dashing appearance or his hairy arm pits or maybe, just maybe, it could be his long hard dedication to the little troll Skadby who lives in the forest where the septic field ends in the river, thus polluting the camp , where everyone was barbecuing the flying Hungalynga which had died because of the overindulgence of flank moths. Leonard of Lallybroch began wiping himself clean with the cheesecloth, He looked down at his progress and noticed he was erasing himself. He screamed for help, but couldn't resist the sensations of the cheesecloth. He wiped faster and faster. When he got to his face and with one quick wipe... he erased himself. He opened his eyes and saw he had transported his body to another place. Noticing he forgot to transport his right arm, he developed the resistance not to erase it, leaving his arm missing from the rest of his body, yet very visible where he once stood. He surveyed his surroundings and realized that he had finally reached the outhouse only to find that it was Occupied by a very large , Ogre-type that seemed to be in agony from some sort of bowel movement problem which had resulted from the overuse of razorwire which was purchased with the intention of protecting my Mist Berry Wine and a bundle of very expensive straw used in making gold swords that are used by the Newborn ninja kittens from the faraway land of Federal Way. The newborn kittens have opened their eyes, and their claws just in time to stop the
Vogons from reading poetry through the public address system. Meanwhile, in Quillayute , a dark/thick/ cloud started covering all the land , until it reached Leonard of Lallybroch near the out-house , putting him into a deep , Deep , DEEP sleep.
End of Chapter 2
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Old 02-27-2009   #223
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Chapter 3 - Close Encounters of The Dragon Kind

Meanwhile back at the castle, the king and his friend the royal dragon, sat in the royal garden watching the sun set. Each were in deep though pondering the royal dragon's problem, where was the dragon going to find a mate? As they sat there gazing into the night sky and watching the stars come out, they saw a shooting star. Together they both made a wish ("..when you wish upon a star, it makes no difference who you are..") that the dragon would find a mate.

Unknown to them, that was no ordinary shooting star. It was in fact a starship from a world known as Chessman. Inside the starship was a dragon princess, who was looking for a mate.
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Old 03-05-2009   #224
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but not just any kind of mate, no, he had to have
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Old 03-05-2009   #225
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a check mate!
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Old 03-05-2009   #226
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But that is another story, for another time.


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