Voted Best Joke in Ireland
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Old 04-28-2013   #1
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Default Voted Best Joke in Ireland

Don't know how true that is , but....



John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's
To spending the rest of me Life, between the legs
Of me wife !"



That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
Toast of the night !



He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
Prize for the Best toast of The night."



She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
Life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
Buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
Leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
Night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."



She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
Surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
There twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
The ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
Asleep".

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Old 04-28-2013   #2
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Default Re: Voted Best Joke in Ireland

The Scotsman

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
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Old 04-28-2013   #3
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Old 04-29-2013   #4
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Default Re: Voted Best Joke in Ireland

Good jokes all...

But having a wee bit of Scotch in me heritage...
After all everything is better with a wee bit of Scotch in it...

I couldn't help but wonder about the "Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh".

Such blatant Stereotypes!
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Old 04-29-2013   #5
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Default Re: Voted Best Joke in Ireland

Quote:
Originally Posted by SpeedGraphicMan View Post
Good jokes all...

But having a wee bit of Scotch in me heritage...
After all everything is better with a wee bit of Scotch in it...

I couldn't help but wonder about the "Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh".

Such blatant Stereotypes!
It's a song. Listen to it.


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Old 04-29-2013   #6
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Default Re: Voted Best Joke in Ireland

Do Virgins Taste Better

A dragon has come to our village today.
We've asked him to leave, but he won't go away.
Now he's talked to our king and they worked out a deal.
No homes will he burn and no crops will he steal.

Now there is but one catch, we dislike it a bunch.
Twice a year he invites him a virgin to lunch.
Well, we've no other choice, so the deal we'll respect.
But we can't help but wonder and pause to reflect.

Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Are they salty, or sweeter, more juicy or what?
Do you savor them slowly? Gulp them down on the spot?
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Now we'd like to be shed you, and many have tried.
But no one can get through your thick scaly hide.
We hope that some day, some brave knight will come by.
'Cause we can't wait around 'til you're too fat to fly.

Now you have such good taste in your women for sure,
They always are pretty, they always are pure.
But your notion of dining, it makes us all flinch,
For your favorite entree is barbecued wench.

Now we've found a solution, it works out so neat,
If you insist on nothing but virgins to eat.
No more will our number ever grow small,
We'll simply make sure there's no virgins at all!
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Old 04-29-2013   #7
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Old 05-02-2013   #8
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Default Re: Voted Best Joke in Ireland

You mean to tell me that it took them all that time to figure a solution to that problem?
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Old 07-17-2013   #9
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Default Re: Voted Best Joke in Ireland

Thanks allenramos, but you don't sound like you have much Irish in you. But hey, anything's possible.
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Old 07-18-2013   #10
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Default Re: Voted Best Joke in Ireland

allenramos doesn't sound Irish. No disrespect intended. By the way, welcome to PhotoCamel.


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