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Old 01-26-2012   #1
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Default Dragonet

St. George and the Dragonet


*Dummm da dum dummm.... dummm da-dum dum dummm....*

Narrator: The legend you are about to hear is true, only the needle should be changed to protect the record.

*Dummm da dum dummm.... dummm da-dum dum dummm....*

St. George: This is the countryside, my name is St. George, I'm a knight. Saturday, July 10th, 8:05 p.m. I was working out at the castle out on the night watch when a call came in from the chief: A dragon had been devouring maidens. Homicide. My job: Slay 'em.

*Dummm da dum dummm.... *

St. George: You call me chief?

Chief: Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens. The kings daughter may be next.

St. George: Mmmhmm...You got a lead?

Chief: ...eeh, Nothing much to go on. Say did you take that 45 automatic into the lab to have them check on it?

St. George: Yeah, you were right.

Chief: I was right?

St. George: Yeah, it was a gun

*Budumm budumm dumm da-dummmm*

St. George: 8:22 p.m. I talked to one of the maddens who had almost been devoured.

*knock knock knock* [door opens]

St. George: Could I talk to you Maam?

Madden: who er you?

St. George: I'm St. George maam. Homicide maam. I want to ask you a few questions maam. I understand you were almost devoured by the maam is that right dragon?

Madden: It was terrible, he breathed fire on me, he burned me already!

St. George: How can I be sure of that maam.

Madden: Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth!

*Dummm dummm dum dum da-dummmm!*

St. George: 11:45 p.m. I rode over to the kings highway, I saw a man, I stopped to talk to him. Pardon me sir, could I talk to you for just a minute sir?

Nave: Sure I don't mind.

St. George: What do you do for a living?

Nave: I'm a nave.

St. George: Didn't they pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts?

Nave: Yeah, so what do you want make a federal case out of it?

St. George: No sir. We heard there was a dragon operating in this neighborhood. We just wanted to know if you'd seen him.

Nave: Sure I've seen him.

St. George: Mmhmm, could you describe him for me?

Nave: What's to describe, you see one dragon you've seen 'em all!

St. George: Would you try and remember sir, just for the record. We just want to get the facts sir.

Nave: Well, he was, you know, he had orange polkadots...

St. George: Yes sir.

Nave: ...purple feet, breathing fire and smoke,

St. George: mmmhmm

Nave: ...and one big bloodshot eye, right in the middle of his forehead, and uh, like that.

St. George: Notice anything unusual about him?

Nave: No, he's just the run of the mill dragon, you know.

St. George: Mmhmm, yes sir, you can go now.

Nave: Hey, hey! by the way, how you gonna catch him?

St. George: I thought you'd never ask. A dragon net.

*Dummmmmm duuummmm dum dumm dummmmmmmmmm....*

St. George: 3:05 p.m. I was riding back in to the courtyard to make my report to the lab, then it happened.

*Du-dummmm*

*Roar!*

St. George: It was the dragon

Dragon: Hey, I'm da fire breden dragon, you must be St. George right?!

St. George: Yes sir.

Dragon: I see you got one of those new 45 caliber soards

St. George: That's about the size of it.

Dragon: Wuhaaahahayayahaaaagh, you slay me!

St. George: That's what I came here to talk to you about.

Dragon: Wuh do yuh mean?

St. George: I'm take'n you in on a 502, you figure it out.

Dragon: What's the charge.

St. George: Devouring maddins out of season.

Dragon: OUT OF SEASON! YOU'LL NEVER PIN THAT RAP ON ME, DO YOU HEAR ME, COP!

St. George: Yeah. I hear ya. I got you on a 412 to.

Dragon: A 412! WHAT'S A 412!!

St. George: Overacting. Let's go.

*Dumm du-dummm, dum da-dum da-dum*

Narrator: On September the 5th the dragon was tried and convicted. His fire was put out and his madden devouring license revoked. Maden devouring out of season is punishable by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years.

*Dumm du-dummm, Dummm, Dummm Dummmmmmmm...*

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Old 01-26-2012   #2
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Default Re: Dragonet

Dragnet Goes To Kindergarten

Saturday: I'm 5 years old. My name is Saturday. Saturday Morning. I'm a kid.

It happened at 3:25 last Monday. I was on my way home from kindergarten, when I noticed I was missing... my lollipop.

My teacher Miss Brown had given me the lollipop for good behavior. It was a good lollipop... strawberry. I made up my mind to get it back. At 3:29 I checked back at the playground. Two strange kids were playing in the sand pile. I checked their pockets. Just as I thought, they were full of... sand.

3:45; there was a man selling ice cream bars at the school gate.
Bell: Rinnggggg
I decided to question him. "Hello, mister."
Vendor: What can I do for you, son?
Saturday: I'm looking for a strawberry... sucker.
Vendor: What?!
Saturday: I mean, I'm looking for a strawberry sucker.
Vendor: Get lost.

Saturday: I marked him down in my book as a possible 5-18. I went across the street to the candy store. It was 3:59. There were some tough kids playing tap the icebox. It looked suspicious. They had one kid locked in an icebox. And the others were playing "Taps". I broke up the game and booked them all in the 4-12. The kid who had been in the icebox demanded protection. I walked him around the corner. We watched the gang. They started to play hopscotch. It looked funny. Then I knew. Someone was throwing the game.

The kid I was with said he had to leave. Said he had to go finish beating the erasers for Miss Brown. I checked under his fingernails. He was telling the truth. I found... chalk dust.

4:06. It was getting late. Still no lollipop. I had to move fast. My friend Donovan came by. He's in the first grade. He had a kiddie cart with a wagon in back. I jumped in the wagon. "All right, Donovan. Go to the corner of 14th and caterpillar. And step on it!"

14th Street. The neighborhood of our rival school, PS-87. There was a rough section. The school's so tough even the teachers played hooky. It was so tough they printed report cards on sandpaper. I was in over my head. I knew it. At first the schoolyard looked peaceful enough. I saw the janitor hitting the pigeons. Then I noticed. He was feeding them to his family.

I told Donovan to pick me up in 10 minutes. It was 4:19. Then I saw him. The toughest kid in the neighborhood. Fatso.

He was big: at least 3'6". He was a man mountain. He must've weighed 80 pounds. I could tell he was in second grade. He had that look. Tired. Cynical. Sophisticated. There was something odd about his face. Something strange about his mouth. Then I saw it. Sticking out of his mouth, my sucker!

"All right, Fatso. This is it."
Fatso: Listen, bud! You're askin' for a lickin'!
Saturday: "That's right. I'd like to lick my sucker again, if you don't mind."
Fatso: Scram, punk!
Saturday: "Listen, Fatso. You tough?"
Fatso: Yeah!
Saturday: "I knew it the minute I looked at you. Would you mind giving me my sucker? I got to be home in exactly 10 minutes."
Fatso: Why?
Saturday: "Got to take my nap."
(Fatso laughs)
Saturday: When he started laughing, he took the sucker out of his mouth. I saw my chance. I grabbed the sucker and started to run. Donovan came by just in time. I jumped in the wagon. It was downhill now. It was easy. We got away. I felt good inside. I had it again. My lollipop!

The story you have just heard was true. Only the flavor was changed to protect the sucker. (Sonic SBL)
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Old 01-26-2012   #3
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Default Re: Dragonet

Fun reads, thanks for the laughs!!!
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Old 01-26-2012   #4
Camel Breath
 
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Default Re: Dragonet

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mira View Post
Fun reads, thanks for the laughs!!!
Your welcome. You wouldn't happen to be one of the maidens the dragon tried to devour?
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Old 01-26-2012   #5
Camel Breath
 
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Default Re: Dragonet

LOL!!


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