Movie theater rant

[brian.austin]

Some context here: I haven't been to a movie theater in years. I think the last movie I saw in a theater was Star Wars: Episode I but I'm not sure. That was 8 years ago.

So, being unemployed and bored, I headed out to see the new Bourne flick. For you Ludlum fans (myself included), don't bother trying to find similarities here. There are none, other than the names of the characters and the concept of Treadstone. It's still a good series, though, for what it is. (FYI, there are no spoilers in this. This isn't about the movie.)

I forgot the BLAST of commercialization they through at you before the movie. Talk about a captive audience. I kept reaching for the remote (DVDs have their advantages) to fast forward or change channels. And could they possibly make the audio any louder??

So it's an early show and a relatively unpacked theater with stadium seating. I find a loooong section of seats, walk into the middle and sit about six seats down from the next person. No one is to my left, with about ten seats to the aisle.

In walks Grandma, Grandpa, a three year old, and a baby in her/his carrier. I mean BABY. Easily less than three months old. Keep in mind that this is NOT a children's movie, with language, pretty rough violence, and nothing animated or even remotely colorful. I have no idea what a three year old would possibly get out of this thing.

Where does this couple sit? I kid you not: right next to me to my left. I seriously looked at the old guy, looked down the row of seats and asked: "is there something wrong with those seats?" He gave me a huffy look and said they were expecting more people. I made a point of looking at the rows above and below us, all with large sections of open seats. Then I picked up my stuff, moved down three seats and sat back down.

And then...you guessed it. The couple (apparently Mom and Dad) came in, took the two seats to Grandpa's RIGHT (my left), leaving one seat between me and Dad. Okay. Just shut the heck up and we'll all enjoy the movie.

Then the kid comes over and wants to sit next to Daddy. Sweet Jesus. This little girl would not shut up to save her life. The whole concept of "quiet" was foreign to her, probably because her parents didn't seem to understand that they REST of the theater wasn't interested in hearing it. Now I know why the audio is so loud.

A few minutes into the movie, the kid seems to settle down on Daddy's lap. Cool. Enjoy the movie and your nap. A few gunshots and guess who wakes up? The newborn.

WHO THE HELL BRINGS A NEWBORN KID TO A MOVIE??

I finally got up, walked across the theater to the furthest possible spot and settled down....and enjoyed the rest of the movie. You should go see it. Just leave the young 'uns at home, okay?

[Mr. Pickles]

That was YOU?

[brian.austin]

Originally Posted by Mr. Pickles

That was YOU?

LOL...thanks for the laugh. I needed it!

[PGX]

We have kids.

The last time we took one into a non-kid movie was when my oldest, still in the carrier, started crying 5 minutes before the end of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. But, my wife quickly removed him to the lobby. I am sure it was less than 10 secs of crying, but the movie was so loud that we could barely hear him.

We try very hard to keep our kids behaving in public. As a result, we can take our kids just about anywhere. I have been known to shop in grocery stores with all four of them, without any trouble and plenty of compliments from other people who have watched parents who cannot even control ONE kid, much less FOUR.

Anyways, we no longer take any of our kids to adult theme movies. I took my two oldest to see Spiderman 3, and they were 6 & 5, and had a blast, but still enjoyed the movie in relative silence. Even to the point where I could enjoy the movie, LOL. It's called training your children. I have no idea where most parents seem to be so inept. Their kids walk all over them. And please don't give me this "It's the culture" crap.

I occasionally watch "Parental Control" on MTV, and get a great laugh at the irony. Here they have a kid who has done nothing about their highly disrespectful BF/GF. Now, they are going to try to break them up? Excuse me? I am sorry, but if one of my kids brings home a GF that mouths off to my wife, the GF's time in our home and in our child's life could be measured with an egg timer.

There is no control. Kids get away with murder.

Now I am ranting, LOL.

[Lee4145]

Honestly, the last time I went to the theater I was amazed at how BAD the quality of the video was. And the audio wasn't great, just loud. Granted it'd been a long, long time since I'd been before that. But in my mind I remembered it being the place to go see a movie when you wanted the absolute best production. Not so any more it seems. At least for me.

Never mind the fact that I'm getting to an age where I really don't enjoy "communal" entertainment. Not when I have to rely on other people living up to my standard of civilization. Which is actually pretty low, and yet people continue to fall short. I know, that makes me officially a 'codger'. I can live with that!

[digitalzed]

This is the time I pull my pants up over my bulge and yell at the kids to get off my lawn...

Couldn't agree with you more on this rant. The theater is not a babysitter. If your kids can behave, then great. If they're too young to know how to behave or they just won't, find somewhere else to go.

[aam1234]

Originally Posted by brian.austin

Talk about a captive audience.

Ha ha, that's a good one, made me laugh.

[expensive_hobby]

This thread is cracking me up! I'm sorry for your experience, because in all reality I would not have been pleased myself.

We just experienced something similar when I took our daughters to see Hairspray. The theatre was empty for the most part, but many were clumped together. Honestly, I think it's due to the munching of popcorn-- sit with many and you don't only hear yourself chomping theory.

[Paul Shields]

I'm not a regular cinema goer, but Brian's description really rings some bells for me. I now tend to avoid all films that allow children, and try and pick the later showings to avoid the crowds. Although watching a film on the big screen can be brilliant when amongst a big crowd of people, there are just too few who know how to behave once the main title is rolling.

Home cinema is the future for me. Just need to get something somewhat bigger than my current 44" LCD and then it's no more sounds of popcorn, burping and shoes stuck to the floor with chewing gum.

[JessieBeachBum]

The only time I would take my children to the theater when they were babies was when I could nurse them to shut them up. If they even hinted at being fussy, I would step out.

I honestly avoid theaters at all costs these days, for a family of four it's much cheaper to buy the movie when it comes out on DVD.


Paul, the worst sound I experienced recently was the person in the row behind me smakcing their gum SO loud that I could hear it over the action sequences! (If my kids weren't with me, I would have said something.)

[DigiFilm]

The Cinema experience just isn't what it used to be. No 'glam' at all anymore. They are all institutional and commercial in appearance, design and ambiance nowadays.

[brian.austin]

I'm a big westerns fan and almost went to see the new 3:10 to Yuma flick...then thought better of it. By Christmas, it will be on DVD and I can enjoy it in the comfort of my own home. I'll wait. No movie is THAT good anymore.